Only you can do the work, but that doesn’t mean that you have to do it alone.
It’s okay to ask for help.
This concept of needing (or even wanting) support is very new to me. I’ve usually had to do stuff on my own, so I just accepted it as it was. But inside I was dying. Inside I was crying out for help, not always, not with everything, but sometimes I would wish that someone would “help me”…
Ironic right? Here I was, craving on the inside for someone to help me, for someone to be there, but at the same time, I was telling everyone “it’s okay” or “I got this”, which was true the majority of the time…
Until it wasn’t.
Personally, I have been let down, mislead, abandoned, discarded, and overlooked. So why would I ask for help? Why would I give another person that power or the chance to throw it in my face?
At least that was how I looked at it because it’s happened so many times before. And I KNOW now that that way of thinking was in fact self-harming.
See the problem was that I did not always seek HEALTHY support. There is a huge difference between people being there for you and people just being there.
And I was in such a dark place that I couldn’t even tell the difference. I had shut out support completely. I made it to where you couldn’t help me.
One day I had a mental break down in front of one of my closest friends. She looked me dead in the face and said: “Samantha, you know you don’t have to do this alone”. I’ve heard that before, in many ways, but it was the first time in my life that it truly hit me… I realized that going at it alone meant a much harder life indeed. It didn’t have to be this way.
If you are or were anything like I was then asking for help is hard, shit sometimes admitting to ourselves that we even need it is a challenge.
But no matter what role we play, mother, father, spouse, employee, boss, etc., we’re all still HUMAN.
We need healthy support systems. It’s vital to have people around you that are positive, supportive, and dependable.
Support systems come in all shapes and sizes. You can even find healthy support and motivation from strangers in this day and age!Having healthy support doesn’t mean that you can’t do something or that your dependent on the person, group, or system to get things done. It’s like a safety net, there if you need it; to keep you safe when you fall.
One of the first things that I did was weed out the people in my life who weren’t healthy for me. Sometimes that is easier said than done because they can be people that you have known for years, have close relationships with, or even family members.
Now you may be wondering what an ‘unhealthy’ person is, here are some characteristics:
They are disrespectful.
They put you down.
They make you feel bad about things that you are doing or goals that you have.
They are ALWAYS negative- they have a problem for every solution.
They say that they care but their actions show differently.
They live in chaos and have no intentions of changing it- someone can’t be a healthy supporter if they aren’t trying to live a healthy life themselves.
They ‘keep score’ or throw in your face what they have done for you.
Next, I allowed people to help me when I needed it. This can be something small such as accepting a compliment to something more major such as asking someone to watch my son for a little while just so I can focus on work (I am a single SAH mom and I work from home).
I’ve been blessed to have support groups in my community. I have gotten love and support from complete strangers on social media! As I said support comes in many different forms, it’s okay to embrace them all!
I am still working on seeking support and allowing people to help me. But let me tell you guys, it has taken a tremendous weight off of my chest knowing that I am not alone in some situations, knowing that it is okay to seek support.
It’s such a mental strain when you have an “I can do it all alone” perspective on things. It’s even HARDER to go about life that way.
Some people need more support than others but everyone needs it! Even if its someone you can just vent too from time to time to clear your mind, don’t count support out!
If you look around and can’t find healthy support then you NEED to change your surroundings. Yes, it’s easier said than done but it is necessary. If you haven’t found the support you need, try other avenues.
For me, this has been one of the hardest things to do but it has made my life a bit easier. I have a bit more peace of mind knowing that venting to a friend is so much better than keeping it inside because you don’t to ‘bother someone’.